Something hit a nerve a few weeks ago, and a conversation today brought it right back to the surface.
Someone was being ridiculed for booking a business-class seat for an upcoming trip. According to that person, that money would do more good if saved or spent on something more worthwhile. What they didn't know, or perhaps didn't care to ask, was why that kind of choice was made in the first place.
I suddenly found myself wondering why we are so comfortable judging how other people spend their hard-earned money, especially when we're not the ones earning it, saving it, or living their lives.
Over the years, I've heard countless variations of the same sentiment:
"Must be nice." "Wow, rich kid." "Sana all". "Did you marry someone rich?"
or
"You don't know how to handle money." "You could have spent that money on something more useful." "There are people poor people in this world who could benefit from that kind of money."
Some are said jokingly. Some are disguised as concern. Some come wrapped in unsolicited financial advice.
But they all seem to carry the same underlying message:
"I don't approve of how you're spending your money."
The Discipline Behind the Decision
If you've ever booked a business-class seat, upgraded your hotel room, bought a nicer camera, paid extra for comfort, or booked that vacation you've been dreaming about for years, you've probably heard some version of these comments.
What's fascinating is that these comments rarely come when you're working late nights, taking on extra responsibilities, living below your means, passing on things you want, or diligently contributing to your savings and retirement accounts.
No.
They appear when you're finally enjoying the fruits of all that hard work. People see the purchase but they don't see the years and sacrifices behind it.
Most people see the upgraded cabin but they don't see the decades of career building.They see the business-class boarding pass but not the years of economy seats, the overtime hours, the layoff you survived, the risks taken, and sacrifices made.They see the vacation photos, but they don't see the spreadsheets, budgets, and financial decisions quietly working in the background for years. In short, they see the destination but they don't see the journey.
And so the moment they found out you spent money on something that brings you joy, comfort, convenience, or a memorable experience, people suddenly become instant financial advisors.
There is no one-size fits all on "correct" spending.
One of the biggest misconceptions about money is that there is a universally correct way to spend it. There isn't.
Some people spend money on luxury cars, designer handbags, golf memberships, concert tickets, sports memorabilia, musical instruments, home renovations or boba tea. While others spend money on travel, better seats, upgraded rooms, photography equipment, or comfortable experiences, and some people spend very little on anything at all.
But none of these choices are inherently superior, though. At least in my mind, this is the case. For me the problem begins when people confuse: "My preference" with "The correct answer."
Just because something isn't worth it to you doesn't mean it isn't worth it to someone else. The fact that you wouldn't buy it doesn't automatically make it a mistake. We don't all work hard for the same rewards, so it shouldn't surprise us that we don't all spend money the same way.
So why do some people react so strongly on other people's spending choices? Unfortunately, it isn't always about the money. Sometimes it's about something else entirely and here are some of my hypothesis:
1. They need validation of their own choices.
"If I made the right choice, why aren't you making the same choice?"
Are they looking for validation for their own choices that's why they are making us make the same choices as theirs?
Sometimes what sounds like financial advice is really a request for validation.
2. Holier than thou mentality.
If someone spends their life prioritizing savings above all else, seeing someone spend freely can create discomfort. Instead of simply accepting that different people have different priorities, they may try to convince you that their way is the only responsible way.
News flash: That's the nice thing about being an adult, we get to spend OUR OWN money differently.
3. Your Purchase Reminds Them of Something They Can't Have
It isn't always about affordability. Sometimes people can afford it but were raised with a mindset where spending money on comfort or enjoyment feels indulgent, even when it isn't. Sometimes they genuinely can't afford it. And some have spent years talking themselves out of wanting certain things, making it difficult to watch someone else enjoy them guilt-free.
If they feel deprived, they may try to turn your excitement into guilt. Misery loves company. If they can't enjoy it, they don't want you enjoying it either.
4. They Mistake Frugality for Virtue
Being careful with money is admirable. But spending money is not a moral failure. Some people unconsciously treat every dollar spent as a character flaw. They forget that money is a tool.
The goal isn't simply to accumulate the largest bank account possible and die with the highest score. The goal is to use money in a way that supports the life you want to live. For some that might mean saving aggressively, spending very little, and leaving as much as possible to their children and grandchildren. There is nothing wrong with that. For others, it means balancing responsibility with enjoyment, like providing for their family, saving for the future, and occasionally using some of their hard-earned money to create experiences, memories, or joy along the way.
Neither approach is inherently superior. The mistake is assuming that everyone should follow the same script.
Spending wisely doesn't always mean spending the least amount possible.
Lastly,
5. They Only See the Expense, Not the Context
The person criticizing your upgraded flight may not know, how much you save, or how much you invest, how much you've sacrificed, or what your overall financial situation looks like.They don't know the big picture.
They're evaluating a single transaction while ignoring the thousands of decisions that came before it. Completely unaware of the years of discipline, budgeting, career-building, sacrifice, and delayed gratification behind it.
There is no one-size-fits all definition for "Waste of Money"
Everyone has a category they think is a waste of money.
The person judging your business-class ticket might spend thousands on something you'd never buy. The person criticizing your upgraded room might spend money on hobbies you don't understand. The person mocking your Vibe Club pass may happily spend money on things that seem completely unnecessary to you. That's because value is personal. There is no universal formula, and unfortunately, some fail to realize that.
The Response I Wish More People Understood
I've spent most of my life learning how to save money, now I'm also learning how to enjoy some of it. Does that make me irresponsible? Of course not. That makes me human. And I refuse to apologize for occasionally choosing comfort or for choosing experiences that bring me joy.
I refuse to apologize for using money I earned to create memories that matter to me. I've worked hard. I've planned. I've sacrificed. I've saved. I've earned the right to occasionally say:
"Yes, I want the better seat." "Yes, I want the upgraded room." "Yes, I want the experience."
And no, I don't owe anyone an explanation, justification, or permission slip for how I spend the money I've worked hard to earn.
A Message To the Auditor I Never Hired
If someone else's purchase irritates you, ask yourself why. Are they actually being irresponsible? Or are they simply making a different choice than you would?
Not every purchase needs your approval. Not every decision requires your validation.
Not every splurge is a mistake. Sometimes a business-class seat is just a business-class seat. Sometimes an upgraded room is just an upgraded room.
And sometimes a person who spent decades working hard is simply allowing themselves to enjoy the rewards of that hard work. There are worse things in life than that.
What feels worthwhile to one person may not feel worthwhile to another. and that is OK.
Epilogue
To that someone who saw the purchase and immediately decided it was wasteful.
I wish you would have asked that person why he/she made that choice in the first place, before passing judgement.
As for me, both of my flights are red-eye. I'll be heading straight to the airport after work on the way to my destination, and heading straight back to work after I return. I wasn't paying for champagne, bragging rights, or social media photos. I was paying for the ability to sleep. I was paying to arrive rested. I was paying to make an already exhausting travel schedule a little more manageable. But that's almost beside the point. Even if my reason had simply been, "Because I wanted to," that should have been enough.
Not every spending decision needs to be justified to an audience.
Not every purchase requires a business case.
And thank you for your concern about my "wasteful" spending. I'll do my best to survive the devastating consequences of occasionally enjoying the money I worked hard to earn.
