On Jealousy

Someone you know, right this very moment, is having more fun than you. Someone you know is making more money than you, doing something more important, has better friends and has a happier ending. Or maybe, just better at Candy Rush game than you are.

On the other hand, right now, something in your universe isn't quite right. Maybe it is quite right, you're happy, you think you're contented but why is it that when you look at his/her posts about his/her new car or his/her newest travel adventures, you feel like smacking that person on the head?

Let's turn things around.

Have you noticed that there are people who can't stand hearing or seeing you happy? If you post travel photos on your facebook they'll accuse you of showing off. If you start showing photos of your wedding they'll accuse you of showing off. If you post a photo wearing a nice sassy clothes there would be some who'll accuse you of showing off.

I used to hate it when someone I don't like (or just semi-like) are doing stuff that I have done or worst I haven't done yet. I used to hate it when someone I don't like are visiting places that I haven't visited yet. It had consumed me so much that I kept thinking about that person. Then one day I attempted to dissect why I'm angry.

That's when I realized I was jealous.

That kind of jealousy is like surrendering yourself to that person and acknowledging that he or she is better than you. That kind of jealousy is acknowledging that he or she is a threat and you're accepting defeat. Who cares if he or she has been to Zimbabwe. So what if he/she had gone bungee jumping. I made a resolution that the next time I look at photos or online posts and I felt the urge to scream "show off" I check my EQ. I would try asking myself these questions:

Is that person really showing off or am I just jealous?
Why is it hard for me to be happy for him/her?

And it helps me to let go. It pushes me to start counting my own blessings.

On the other hand, when people complain that I post my travels too much or "jokingly" tells me I'm showing off, I just smile. Why? because I know their just jealous and I find it flattering. I find it flattering if someone, whom I know are doing better in life, still find themselves being outdone by me. That they still find me as a threat. I'm not saying this to be mean. It's just how I condition myself so I won't get mad at them. Everything is just a matter of perspective.


Jealousy is not a feeling. It's a thought.

So next time you felt a tad jealous about anything or anyone just keep reminding yourself that fulfillment comes from a sense of being contented at this very moment. If you can NOT do that, you'll never be happy and you'll never be contented and you will always get mad at people who are doing things you have never done or those who have been achieving things you haven't achieved yet.

Instead of getting jealous, make them as an inspiration. Take that as a challenge to do better. Maybe you need to start managing your time more. Or getting good at handling your money so you could save more. Things like that can go a long way.

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so long 2012

I usually post a "looking back and looking ahead" blog a few days before the new year starts but last december til january were our busy months so I had to put it off.

Well, I finally have some time to spare so here I am to bombard this post with reflections, ka-corny-hans and all other mushy-gushy stuff.

Looking back.

...i got married

I got married to a wonderful man on May 12, 2012. It was just a civil wedding. I take that back, I shouldn't say "just a civil wedding" because that wedding shouldn't be taken lightly. Because one, it's official and binding and two, May 12 is the date we'll be celebrating our wedding anniversary and not the January 19, 2013, which I'll talk about later on this blog (or on another blog).

It was a life altering moment. Not only did I change my name (which is a pain in the butt, by the way, because of all the paper works and as of this writing i'm still waiting for the immigration office here to change the name on my greencard to my married name *sigh*) but also because I wake up every morning now knowing that I now have a lifetime boyfriend, partner in crime (lol), side kick, a fan, travel buddy, etc. I now have a husband! I am now someone's "Mrs", wife, spouse, bana, jowa, etc. It's a nice feeling. It's a nice feeling to know that there's someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with you. That now there's someone who will do things with you and will always be with you.

Don't get me wrong, I still value independence. The thought of having to depend on someone to make me happy, or to do stuff or whatever is still making me uncomfortable. I pride myself for being able to do whatever I want without having to depend on anyone. But it still is nice to know that now I have someone who'll always have my back. That now there's this someone who helped me stay put. It's a nice wonderful feeling knowing that I'm no longer alone. That the waiting for the right man is over because he already came and married me.

I know, like any other marriages, it won't always be a bed of roses. That we will have our ups and downs or maybe some occassional flying plates (lol) but what is important is eventually we'll have each other "housebroken". Eventually we'll learn what makes us tick, what our pet peeves are. That thru all those fights and "tampos" we'll learn to know how to make compromises and we'll learn to adjust old habits and lifestyle accordingly. After all, we are still two differnt entities with different culture, upbringing, life experience and how we react and handle situations are different but it would be up to us how we should handle our differences.

The good thing is we do get along so well that we often joke to each other that we're like two peas in the same pod, so hopefully the adjustment wouldn't be that much.

...had to quit my job

I also had to quit my job of 4 years in preparation for my getting married. No, B isn't my boss, it's just less complicated if I quit my job and because we fight a lot at work, lol. We do competing products at work and the competition between us is too great (we're both very competitive).

I've been wishing to find a job in the city again and was lucky to have found one. I'm a city girl through and through and I love seeing buildings. I love taking the train. I love people-watching. I love walking. Parking in the city is pricey so I don't bring my car to work and I just take the trains and do a lot of walking from within the city. 

Unfortunately, my city gig is a contractual job and it was over after 7 months and had to look for another job. The other thing is waking up too early in the morning and the long commute is getting into me. I'm not enjoying the city job anymore. So I thought it's time to look for a job closer to home. My contractual gig let me go end of July but I was starting my job search a month before that.

...i went back home

I also went to the Philippines for a week while I was job hunting to take care of some of the wedding details and boy, I'm sure glad I did that. We only have 3 weeks available vacation leaves and if it weren't for that trip we would be wasting 2 weeks doing wedding-preps stuff instead of using those days travelling and showing off my beautiful Philippines to the hubby and sister-in-law and the hubby's best man. So that worked out great.

When I came back from the Philippines, I still don't have a job. I was actually starting to feel a little worried because even though my phone was ringing non-stop because of back to back phone interviews I'm still finding it hard to get the job I want. It's either I am not what they're looking for, or I don't like what I'll be doing if I accept the offer, or I don't like the project, or the pay is too low, or the office is too far. There's just always something wrong. But eventually, I found just the perfect job in a perfect location. A week after I came back from my quick Philippines trip, that's when I got a call from "U". They did a phone interview, then an in-person interview and then they offered me a job a week after and I accepted it. It's 8 miles from home and about 4 miles from the hubby's job (my other previous job). Which means I can call the hubby up to have lunch together when the mood strikes me. I've been with this company for 6 months now and I can see myself staying for a long time. Oh, and yeah, it's a permanent full time position.

Looking forward.

Lots of things happend in 2012. Lots of changes. Lots of getting used to. Lots of new experiences. So how about 2013? 2013 would be full of adventures. More exciting things will happen. I can just feel it.

I want to end this post by saying: Let's pat ourselves on the back again, like we did last year, for having the guts to go where we want to go and to be what we want to be. Even if that's not the case that's fine. We have another year, another chance, so let's just continue trying.

Hello 2013.

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