Chloe

Bad Wednesday
===============

I found our 10-year-old greyhound at the bottom of the stairs on Wednesday after I came home from Pilates. I let her out at 5:30pm for potty that same day before I left and she was still OK but when I came back a little past 7pm she's on the floor panting.

She doesn't usually lay on that spot where I found her and thought that was odd. The other odd thing was the way she was panting. It was very loud and continuous. I thought she was having a heart attack or that she's having a stroke so I called the hubby right away and asked him to come home. 

While waiting for the hubby I was trying to call her  to stand up. She responds to "c'mon, let's go" so I kept saying that. At first she wouldn't do anything but eventually she tried to stand up and that's when I saw her limping on her left leg.  Good, she's not paralyzed. Although the thought of her falling down the stairs that caused her to limp really  horrifies me.

She was still panting and she looked so disoriented. So I fixed her smaller bed and asked her to come and lie down. She did and she winced when she accidentally bumped her left leg on the floor when she plunked her butt on the bed. It was so breaking my heart to see her in pain.

Finally, the hubby arrived. By then I have already found out that the break is way up on the shoulder part. The hubby called our dog's vet but they're already closed so he called the emergency number for a Pet Hospital. We were able to get hold of a nurse there and we immediately drove our dog to the vet.




At the hospital.
===============

They did an x-ray on her and she has a very bad break. The husband and I are trying to rack our brain trying to figure out how she broke her leg and why it's that bad. The doctor said she would need a surgery and we would need to take her to  an Ortho. We know our bills would be high because there's now a specialist involved but it is what it is. Our immediate goal is to have them fix her broken bone right away so she wouldn't be in pain anymore (the husband says that kind of panting means she's in too much pain).

We confined her there because we don't want to transport her back in the car and to the house and do more damage to the leg. Plus we figured, they would know how to transport a dog with broken bone to the Ortho better than we do. We did make sure they give her a pain killer, which they did.




Things went down hill.
==================
The next day, the day time vet called us and told us our dog has a pathological fracture caused by bone cancer and the reason she had such a bad broken leg is due to her  bone getting too brittle because of the Osteosarcoma. With that they prefer not to fix the broken bone, lest they'll just do more damage.  We have an option to amputate her but after 6 months or less we'll be back to where we are right now and had to do the same thing again. We will just be prolonging our dog's agony. The other thing that we found out is that her cancer came back. She had a surgery last year to remove a lump on her leg that turned out to be a malignant tumor. Her vet was able to remove it but she warned us it would come back and it did. So now she has another cancer on top of the other. It just breaks our heart.


We were reading about osteosarcoma (bone cancer) and all the articles we read are just saying the same thing. I'll share one of the excerpts:


"When there is no light at the end of the tunnel, there is no reason to have your dog go through hell, which is what will slowly happen. Each day your greyhound will get a little worse and be in more pain ...."
"No one should have a guilty conscience putting their dog to sleep before it is in excruciating pain. You have given your greyhound a great gift! No one should feel badly because they did not amputate their dogs leg or treat their dog with chemo. Ultimately, you should probe your vet for the hard answers. Veterinarians are programmed to make the process longer and more expensive. Come to a compassionate decision swiftly putting your greyhound first and your feelings second."

source - http://www.ngap.org/greyhound-health-limping-osteo-y448.html

and here's another:

"The ultimate goal in the case of osteosarcoma (and all diseases) should be to relieve discomfort and promote a good quality of life. The dog’s age and response to pain should be of utmost concern when determining which approach to take. Some adopters choose pain management over surgical intervention until the dog’s quality of life is visibly diminished. Your veterinarian can prescribe narcotic pain relievers for maximum effect should you decide to take this route. Depending on how advanced the cancer is and the degree of discomfort exhibited, euthanasia may be the best approach and certainly the least traumatic for the dog. It is we humans who fear the loss and have difficulty letting go, but the kindest and most humane treatment may be to give them eternal freedom from pain rather than prolong the inevitable."

source - http://www.gcnm.org/concernsnews.html





The dreaded day.
===============
It was very difficult to come home on Thursday knowing that it would be the last day we would be seeing our Chloe.

Seeing her bed and her toys and all the places around the house where she would just lie down is just too much for me to handle. When the husband came home, I was still crying and looking at his red nose and blood shot eyes, I know he is too. If I'm very upset and very affected, it would be times ten for him. He rescued Chloe from the National Greyhound  Center when Chloe was just 4 years old and Chloe had helped him go thru a death in his family.

We drove to the vet that afternoon. We both are still a mess, crying, maintaining our composure and then cry again the whole time when we were driving.  The husband is more composed. He would cry for a bit to say something he remembered about Chloe but it would just last for seconds. I, on the hand was just crying non-stop during the whole drive.

We're trying to see if there's any other way we could save Chloe but whatever angle we looked putting her to sleep is still the best option for her. When we were less than a mile away from the Vet Hospital, we parked our car to a shopping complex to try and calm ourselves. We discussed about whether we want keep the ashes or opt for mass burial. I wanted to keep the ashes and bury her at her favorite spot at our backyard and bury her with her favorite toy and treats.

We know we only have borrowed time with Chloe since we found out she has a cancer (the other cancer, the bone cancer, was new to us)  but no one or nothing can really prepare you when death is knocking at your door.



Another dog lost.
==============

I lost a pet in the Philippines a year or so ago, months before our wedding in the Philippines and I was very devastated. His name is Cholito. He is an askal (mutt, native dog) and I love that dog to bits. I was even thinking of taking him with me. I just decided against it because I don't want to make him go through  quarantine and the trauma of traveling on a plane. I mean where would they put the dogs? Right next to the luggage? Without me? Who's gonna feed him or pet him when there's turbulence and he got scared? I'm sure they won't let me have him sit on my lap because my dog might start barking and disturb guests. I hate crying kids on plane, I'm sure a yelping dog would be equally annoying. Anyway, I lost him and I was devastated even if I'm used to not seeing him anymore and haven't really seen him for a very long time. Of course I'll be more devastated with Chloe because I see her everyday since I moved to my husband's home.




April 17 between 6:45 to 7:00 PM
==========================

I dont want my last memory of Chloe to be an image of her lifeless body so I told the husband I don't want to be there when they put her to sleep. The husband understands but he said, he on the other hand, had to be there because he doesn't want her to die alone. When he said that it suddenly struck me,  yes, I shouldn't let her die alone and my husband needs me, so I stayed.

We wanted a few moments with her before they put her to sleep so we were talking to her and was telling her we will miss her and we were just petting her the whole time. We kept telling her we love her and that her pain would go away soon. That she don't need to suffer anymore. She's always scared when she's in a place she doesn't recognize so she was shaking. We tried to comfort her and asked her to sit so she could relax. Finally she did sat down, the same time the doctor came in to tell us it's time. The doctor has 2 syringes in her hand. A sedative and some other medicine. The doctor explained to us what the procedure would be and what to expect.

We were just petting her the whole time and my husband keeps whispering to her that we love her. I can't talk anymore. I'm all choked up.  When the doctor injected the sedative she started closing her eyes slowly and fell asleep. Moments later the doctor injected the second syringe and started monitoring her heart beat. The doctor was very sympathetic and kept telling us how sorry she was that Chloe and us had to go thru that. I was trying so hard not to cry in front of the doctor but when she injected the second syringe it's like someone opened the flood gates. I was crying a river. When the doctor said "she have passed" I just couldn't stay there anymore. I suddenly stood up and went to a corner while the doctor was still talking to my husband. The husband was also crying and that didn't help because it breaks my heart to see any man cry.

I don't want to go thru that again.

I was feeling weak already and I have my back on Chloe because I just can't look at her like that. The doctor left us to have some final moments with Chloe. The husband asked me if I wanted to stay a bit more but I can't talk anymore because I was sobbing  but I tried to communicate by shaking my head.   He knows it took a lot of courage for me to stay there until the end but he understands too that me staying there with our lifeless Chloe would be too much for me to handle so he just nodded and  helped me walked through the door.

He walked me outside the room and the Vet followed us. When we're out the room the Vet was still being very nice and sympathetic and comforting us. She said it's for the dog's best interest.

I really don't want to go thru that again.





The after math.
===============
I remember trying to go through a very bad break-up. I was in such pain I thought I would die of sadness. Losing a pet, is yet another different form of pain. I cannot describe it. I woke up with very swollen eyes that you can blind fold them with a floss.

The husband was very composed while in the room with Chloe, he did cry but it was a quiet crying but as soon as we exited the doors of the Vet hospital he just bawled. It just broke my heart. I've never seen him like that.

We both find it very difficult to come home. I tried to be strong for both of us but the husband is doing a better job than I am. So it was him who tried to hide all of Chloe's stuff from me. Earlier that day I was already having a hard time looking at all of Chloe's stuff and now that she's really gone it would be twice more difficult.




So many things to get unused to.
=========================

She was such a sweet and funny dog. So many things to get unused to. So many things to miss.


It's still hard for us to come home from work. There would be no excited tail and butt wiggling by the door  to greet us when we come home anymore.

I miss how she would smell my face and lick my nose real quick (when she's in the mood) when I come home and I'm poking my head thru the door (before I get inside the house)  and say "kiss, kiss".

There wouldn't be any Chloe sitting in my home office while I work anymore.

I would miss her standing by my home office door giving me her "doggie-look" as if asking permission if she can come in. I  would then wave my hand "come in" and she would slowly walk inside and head straight to me so I could pet her.

empty door

I miss how she would jump up and down and twirl around and around when she sees the hubby carrying her leash (it means it's walking time).

I let her out every morning before I go to work and in the afternoon when I came home from work (the hubby does the lunch times) and it's weird that I don't get to do that anymore and that I don't have to rush coming home from work to make sure I make it home in time for her afternoon wiwi/poop break.

I miss how she comes to me when I open my arms and say "hug" (she doesn't like the hug part but she likes the massage that comes with my hug)

I miss how she learned  to sit when we're eating because she knew begging won't get her anything, sitting does.

I miss that puppy look. or how he would use her nose to nudge our hands to pet her.

I miss how she would smell my face and then lick my face while we watch tv.

chloe forcing to stick her head under the hubby's arm pit

I miss how persuasive she can be with the hubby and how she would  force to stick her head under the husband's arm pit when she wants something right away.




Memorial Walk.
===============

chloe's leash

I walk her when the weather is convenient but it is the hubby who walks her everyday and last Friday, we got her leash out and walked her leash, the husband wants to do a memorial walk for Chloe. I'm still very worried about the husband. Like I mentioned, he's been with Chloe longer than I do so he is the most devastated between us.




The End.
============

We are not planning to get another pet, we are still raw from Chloe's demise. But one day, if and when we are ready, it might be another greyhound. There are just so many greyhounds who needs to be rescued.


It's going to be tough for both me and the husband. Please include us in your thoughts and give your pets extra kisses/petting for us.


We  miss you so much Chloe.

chloe trying to fit inside the small bed	our 40mile/hr couch potato at her dogvacay  host's bed

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How to Apply for UK Visa in the US

Starting point: https://www.gov.uk/general-visit-visa. If you already know that you need a UK Visa skip 1a and jump to 1b.

1a. Go to the website : https://www.gov.uk/check-uk-visa

or if you reside in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Fairfield County in Connecticut. try: https://www.gov.uk/government/world/organisations/british-consulate-general-new-york

The website above will ask you some question so it could tell you if you need a UK Visa or not. Then it will walk you thru the process.

Below are the steps:
click Visas for UK  -> click Start Now -> choose your country from the dropdown box -> click Next Step - next screen will ask you what you are coming to UK for, choose from the dropdown box (ie: Tourism) - click Next Step - click the link applicable to you (ie: general visit visa if you are touring the UK or visiting friends) - read through everything by clicking Next until you reached #4 item (4. Apply) - then click "apply online" - before you click the Start now, make sure you read the information below the "Start now" button because it tells you what documents to prepare and how to book your appointment:

(https://www.visainfoservices.com/Pages/dest_org.aspx)

Once  you're done reading all those you can click "Start now" - It would then re-direct you to:

https://www.visa4uk.fco.gov.uk/

1b. If you already know you have to apply a UK Visa and just want to go straight to the Online Application page below is the link:

https://www.visa4uk.fco.gov.uk/

2. Once in the Online Application page it would ask you to register, so just click Register an Account.

3. Fill up all the boxes and remember you password.

4. I forgot what I did next but I'm guessing I logged in and started filling up the application form.To learn how to fill up the application go to:

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/guidance-on-applying-for-any-uk-visit-visa-using-vaf1-forms

and click: Form VAF1 A to K: guidance notes


5. I forgot too if the confirmation page appears after you filled up everything or it gets sent on your email but just read all the pages on that application form carefully.

6. Make sure to print the appointment confirmation page (or email) because you need to bring that with you at the finger-printing site (in my case at a USCIS office, same office I went to when I was processing my permanent residency).

7.  Go to your application site for finger printing. Bring the appointment confirmation page and your passport.

8. At the application site they will take your photo and finger prints.

9. All your documents, including passport stays with you after the finger printing.

10. After finger printing you need to mail the documents (passport, proof of income, itinerary, etc) on the UK embassy where your state is under jurisdiction. To know what else you need to submit go to:

https://www.gov.uk/general-visit-visa/documents-you-must-provide (you might want to read all the other links on that page)

then go to: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/visitor-visa-guide-to-supporting-documents

and click: Guide to supporting documents - visiting the UK which would open a Word document.



11.  You need to send a prepaid return shipping label from a recognized carrier (UPS, Fedex, USPS, DHL) with your document and an envelope to put your passport when they return it to you. This I didn't know because I didn't see this on their website and last time I applied for UK visa (year 2010) they didn't ask for this but they were still able to ship my passport with the UK visa stamp to my home address. I just thought the shipping is part of the visa application fee that's why they didn't list that on the list of requirements.

11a. If  you did forget to send them a prepaid return shipping label you have to purchase one, I used Fedex.com. Fed-ex sent me the printable prepaid return shipping label   in PDF format and I just forwarded that email to UKVINewYork.Shipping@fco.gov.uk. But do not quote me on this. I don't know what their process is going to be a week or months or years from now but as of this time (Mar 19, 2014) I received an email from them telling me they can't start processing my application until I send them via email the printable prepaid return shipping label and then they gave instructed me to send it to: UKVINewYork.Shipping@fco.gov.uk.

12. Make sure you mail it at the correct embassy. Like in my case, I'm from PA so my UK embassy is the one in New York. 

13. Then you cross your finger and wait.

Good luck!

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Alternate Universe

Naisip ko lang. Where would I be kung hindi nag-propose si hubby at the right time.

I was actually planning to go back to the Philippines until I found out something.  Then I thought of moving to another state like Chicago or some other state more interesting like Utah.

Initially naga-apply ako for New Zealand. Filled up na nga online application ko eh, magbabayad na lang. Dati ko pa yun gusto. College pa ako. Pero I kept holding it off because I was waiting for something to happen. Naisip ko rin mag-Singapore, since a lot of my college friends are there. I had a few job offers, pero ewan ko ba, I just couldn't bring myself to go there. Then a U.S. opportunity came along and since going to the U.S. is more difficult to attain than going to Singapore, I chose to go to the U.S.

After some years here in the U.S I also wanted to try to work in the UK. Dahil yun lang yung English speaking European country na hindi naman ako mamamatay sa sobrang lamig. Kaso kasi ang hirap mag-apply dun. Ang hirap makakuha ng company na magii-sponsor ng work permit.

There's also Australia. Nai-imagine ko sarili kong naglalakad in the streets of Melbourne to get my cup of coffee or hot choco or just because I can walk from my apartment to work.

Hindi naman sa nagsisisi ako at hindi ko na magagawa yun. Pero tulad ng sabi ni hubby, I'm a professional vagabond. Hindi lang talaga mapakali pwet ko. Gusto ko lang kasi mag-explore lagi. I like the smell of new places. New sights, sounds, tastes gives me a certain kind of high. Parang the same high I get when running but multiply it by 100.

Actually, may pag-asa pa naman ako to live in a different country. Yun ay kung hindi kami magka-baby. Mahirap kasi maglipat kapag may baby na syempre.

Pero for now, kuntento muna ako sa pag travel. We still have so many places to visit in our list. Machu Picchu. Panama Canal. Canadian Rockies. Alaska. Wall of China. Siam Reap. Batanes. Amanpulo. Kyoto and Dubai, just to name a few. Ofcourse New Zealand and Australia too.

For now. I'll stay put. I'm still enjoying America. There are still so many places I need to see here too. Yellow Stone. Yosemite. The Wave. Bryce Canyon. San Diego. Montana. North Dakota. Dami-dami pa.

I'll stay put. We'll stay put.

For now.

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Bye 2013

How time flies.

It was a good 2013 for me. It was packed with travels and lots of very good memories.

January:
I went back to the Philippines, for my second wedding, the church wedding at Fernbrook Gardens (first one was civil), which was 2 years in the making (started January 2011).

church wedding at fernbrook gardens/notre dame de vie,
theme: travel and paris,
motif: peach with yellow accent

Then I finally got to see the amazing El Nido, Palawan and I took my foreign guests with me. We stayed at Lagen (El Nido Resorts) for 4days/3 nights and booked three of their over the water huts (for us, the bestman, the sister-in-law)

el nido resorts - lagen & island hopping

I also got to flaunt the Philippines to my foreign guests . It was their first time in the Philipines and I took them to Intramuros (segway tour), Corregidor, we did the Manila sunset dinner cruise in Manila Bay, went to Tagaytay for lunch at my favorite Sonya's garden and snack at Leslie's to see the Taal volcano. They also saw Calaruega and El Nido. Our complete itinerary here.

top (left to right): segway tour in intramuros, our villa escudero river hut,

buffet lunch by the falls at villa escudero,  kayaking in El Nido's small lagoon

bottom (left to right): corregidor, tagaytay (taal volcano), sonyas garden, villa escudero

I got to experience eating by the waterfall and staying at one of the rustic huts by the river in Villa Escudero. Below is a video of us rowing a bamboo raft at Villa Escudero. The hut with the guy taking pictures at the balcony is two of the huts we booked. Our hut is the hut before that one.


bamboo rafting villaescudero GOPR0087 from bluemarlinfish on Vimeo.


March.
I also tried skiing for the first time and have watched WWE (wrestling, which I won't do again. Sorry, not a fan.).


April
I learned how to make and decorate cupcakes.

June
In 2011, I got to see Keith Urban's concert in Philadelphia but in 2012 I wasn't able to see any concert. So in 2013 I made it a point I'll get to watch another concert. Who did I see? Another one of the artists I enjoy listening to, Bruno Mars.

May
Revisited Cape May and stayed there for a few nights to celebrate our first wedding anniversary. That's where we got married civilly.

I got to see the Riverwalk, went spelunking and ziplined in San Antonio, Texas. Saw the night life in Austin, Texas and got to try the southern bbq ribs.


ayeen ziplining in san antonio - day 2 from bluemarlinfish on Vimeo.

July
We went to Seattle and Portland and I was able to see Mt. St. Helens via my first helicopter ride in Oregon. Experienced the long line at the Voodoo donuts (also in Oregon) and finally saw Seattle's Space Needle. Below is a video of our helicopter ride.



GoPro version: Mt St Helens' Helicopter Tour from bluemarlinfish on Vimeo.


September
Our major trip for 2013 was for our honeymoon, the mediterranean cruise. We booked the Celebrity Silhoutte ship thru Celebrity Cruise (Aqua Class). Because of this cruise we were able to visit 3 new countries (Greece, Malta, Turkey) and have revisited Italy. We saw Rome and Venice again and visited new ones like Murano, Burano, Capri, Sorrento snd Pompeii.

left to right, top to bottom
mykonos, mykonos, santorini, santorini
athens, athens, crete, vatican,
venice, rome, rome, malta

left to right, top to bottom
sea day, hanging out at our cabin balcony (malta port), sea day, sea day
burano, turkey, pompei (with visuvius in the background), murano,
burano, athens, rhodes - greece, forbidden part of rome's colloseo (the stage)

In Greece I have seen Rhodes, Mykonos, Delos, Athens and my favorite, Santorini. In Malta, I have fallen inlove with Mdina and swore to come back and stay for a atleast a couple of nights. We have been to Ephesus in Turkey, which I find interesting too.

Below is a video in Santorini. I'm the one in pink.


santorini - go pro hero 3 black from bluemarlinfish on Vimeo.


October.
I discovered a new passion,  the art of making cakepops! And it's addicting trying out different shapes and forms and getting creative with candies and sprinkles. Like, see that baby? I used a necklace candy for the pacifier, and see that clown? I used a roasted french peanuts for the hair.

cake pops by yours truly

December.
Being the Harry Potter fan that I am, I have always wanted to go to Universal Studios in Florida to see the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I finally did this for my birthday.

left to right, top to bottom
wizarding world of harry potter, drinking butterbeer with my travel gnome/pinky, hogwarts express, hogsmeade,
lorax, with an elf at 3 broomsticks (harry potter land), atlantis (kennedy space center), make-believe space shuttle

I also got to see the Kennedy Space Center as a bonus trip and got to see the retired Atlantis, assembly station for rockets, had lunch with an astronaut, saw what a space station looks like, and a lot other cool space stuff.


I also revisited North Carolina, the state I considered my first home in the U.S. It was a roadtrip and we drove suveesha (my Rav4)  from Philadelphia to North Carolina. We spent two nights in Chapel Hill, then three nights at the Biltmore Estate (Asheville) and attended their black tie gala party for New Year's eve, then day trip in Outer Banks (Kitty Hawk) to see the Wright Brother's Memorial (which is actually my second time there) and Cape Hatteras.

We also did a side trip to Tennessee to see the life size replica of Athen's Parthenon.

top to bottom, left to right
biltmore house, biltmore house, biltmore inn, our room
new year's eve gala invite, pass, program, new year's eve dinner,
gala, gala, life-size parthenon replica in tennessee, ginger bread

So yes, it was a good year.

We have a couple of trips lined up for 2014. I'm hoping to add 2 more but we'll see where our budget takes us, lol.

Bye 2013. Let's set some new goals for 2014!

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How do you fit your whole life in 2 luggages? (Thoughts on moving on)

I have always dreamt of working abroad, of living abroad. One time I asked a college professor of mine (who claimed to be clairvoyant) if I will ever be able to work abroad. He said only for a vacation, for a short time. I was disappointed to hear that but I tried to be optimistic and thought that's better than not being able to travel outside my country at all.

photo from the book "moving on"

9 years later. After 2 H1Bs (work visa) stamped on my passport, one Italian employer job offer and in between deciding if I should go to Singapore or New Zealand, my time came. It was year 2007. The time I was 98% sure I'm leaving because I have my 2nd H1B visa stamped on my passport (first one was 1999) and a plane ticket in hand. It was the time I was faced with some important decisions - what to leave behind.

The problem is, even without trying, I always accumulate so much stuff over time. So choices will have to be made and some stuff will have to be left behind, but which stuff? I have to fit my whole life in two luggages, with a maximum weight of 50 lbs (or 23 kg) each and a maximum dimension total of 62 inches (or 157 cm) each. How the heck am I gonna do that. My shoes and books would already occupy one luggage each (and maybe more).





I started packing the basic stuff. Business clothes & formal attire with matching shoes. Some technical books that I really need to bring with me. Some casual clothes and lounge clothes with matching shoes/slippers. The rest I can just buy from there. Easy,  right?

No.

What do you do with items of sentimental value? I suddenly found myself staring at boxes after boxes of letters and greeting cards and photos and books and souvenirs and all kinds of knick-knacks that someone gave me and means so much to me.  How do you know which ones to take with you and which ones to leave behind?

What do I do with the letters I got since I was in high school. Letters from classmates thanking me for helping them with their math assignments or someone thanking me for giving her an idea for a good title for her biography project. How about pictures of friends with dedications at the back. You know, J-A-P-A-N (just always pray at night), C-E-B-U (change everything but us), and all those mushy gushy girly stuff that still puts a smile on my face whenever I read them. How about the first love letter I received and all the other "from your secret admirers" notes folded origami-like that I have somehow kept. Of course there are these one box of letters and greeting cards and pictures I have kept and have meticulously labeled from a long time college pen pal MB that I really connected with and thought I would end up with (he suddenly disappeared). There's more, I also have a box of letters and greeting cards, and some tiny knick-knacks and dried flowers and even dried leaves, I received from the first boyfriend to the 2nd boyfriend of 7 years. I also have boxes of diaries after diaries after diaries. Some of them were even written on secret codes that only I can understand (it's a good thing though, that I kept and remembered where I hid the code cracker). These might sound just petty little things, unimportant things, but to me they're not but I can't bring all those boxes with me or at least I have to decide which ones I'll take along.



This is pretty much the same as moving forward with your life's journey. You have accumulated lots of memories, stories, and a few grudges here and there but there would come a time in your life when it's time to purge them out from your system and move on but where do you start?

I remember this analogy I read somewhere, I think it's from Joel Osteen (but I'm not positive because I've read too many versions already)  about a car's rear view mirror versus the windshield.

There’s a reason why the windshield of a car is so much bigger than the rear view mirror and that is, what’s in front of us is much more important than what’s behind us. We cannot move forward looking at the rear view mirror. If we take this rear view mirror vs windshield as an analogy to our life's journey, it just simply says our past isn't as important as our future. Have you ever experienced looking too long on the rear view mirror that you almost hit the car in front of you? Same deal. We can look at our past from time to time but one shouldn't dwell on it too long or we'll screw up our future.


Sometimes we start blaming the past for what we have become and start making that as an excuse not to grow. Somehow, we succumb to this sadomasochistic, self-pity approach that we still like to play the bitter past in our mind like a broken record and all for what?

I am guilty of thinking about the past and dwelling on it that I sometimes end up drowning  with  could-have-beens and might-have-beens. It wasn't a good feeling. That's a very potent ingredient for insecurity.  Not to toot my own horn but I am not one for staying low for too long. When the rubber hits the road, when push turns to shove I learn to just let go. I have to. For myself. For my family.


So I forced myself to start the de-cluttering process. Both literally and figuratively. It was actually therapeutic. You start to realize that the stuff you thought is important to you wasn't really that important at all. I did have some bouts of sentimental breakdowns and crying spells on some of the items or letters that I found and I won't lie, it wasn't easy to decide whether or not I'll take them with me or not. I have one tip though, when I'm faced with situations like that, I would step away, do something else, walk, eat,  sleep, whatever and then come back and see if I still feel the same way.

Things are things and if it's really that important then those shouldn't be sitting on some dusty shelf or an old box. It should be on a frame or special glass cabinets. If you think it's worth the trouble of framing them or building a custom-cabinet then keep it,  but if you're fine with it sitting on an old tattered, moldy box, then just give yourself a favor and throw it away. Because that just means you really don't care too much for it than you thought you do.

Moving to another country is like starting on a clean slate and de-cluttering is the first huge step and when I was done, I have a new box in front of me and it's labeled "time to move on" box. It was fun glancing at the past but I also need to give room for the future. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for the past, because it molded me how I am, what I am right now and what I will become in the future but it's time to let go.


I remember our clutter-control instructor who said something like: people who are holding on to clutter (memorabilias, souvenirs, old stuff given by so and so) are afraid of facing the future.

That wouldn't be me.


And so I left my home for another country. 8539.01 miles away. Carrying my whole life in two  luggages....

and a hand carry.

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