Sometimes I wish I wasn't born with an XX chromosome. That I was born with the XY instead.
Life is good until you get in your 30s. Or maybe earlier than that if you have become a mother at a young age but for the sake of this post I'll just talk about my experience as a female.
Like I said, my life is pretty much fine and dandy until that dreaded three-oh. When I was a teen-ager, I considered that age as very old but when I reached that age I really didn't feel old but it does came with a lot of maintenance.
Let me count the ways.
Exhibit one. The Papanicolaou test.
Abbreviated as Pap test or more commonly called as Pap Smear, is one of the things you have to start doing as part of "maintenance".
I have to start visiting an OB-/GYN every year for this. One because my age says so and two, because my mother's side has a history of cancer of the uterus and myoma of the uterus (all her female siblings, including my mom had undergone a uterus operation).
For the un-initiated, this involves stripping down from neck to foot, wearing a robe that opens in front, lying on a bed and...well...see the photo below.
It doesn't stop there. The doctor would then put a speculum inside your female reproductive organ to open it so they could "swipe" to collect cells from the outer opening of the cervix of the uterus and the endocervix.
After swiping, the doctor would pull that instrument out and she (I always get a female OB/GYN) would put lubricant on her gloves and then she'll start feeling the inside for any lumps or abnormalities.
Then the doctor would remind you to do your monthly personal breast exam (i always forget to do mine) and she'll proceed to doing your physical breast exam.
The whole thing can be very uncomfortable for some women.
Exhibit two. Colposcopy.
If everything is fine and normal then you're good until the next year or 3 years, depending on your OB/GYN's instructions but if your Pap Smear result came out abnormal then that's another story. You have to come back for colposcopy so they could do further "investigation".
For this procedure, again, you have to do the same thing you do for Pap Smear. They have to put the speculum again to open you up, then they will use a special instrument to better see what's there. But first, the doctor would spray some vinegar to make the abnormal cells to appear (it would appear white) so the doctor will know where to do the cervical biopsy (a.k.a punch). It would just take 5 seconds. Next the doctor would scrape some tissue from your "inside" for more cell samples. The procedure doesn't hurt but you may bleed for 2-3 days. By the way, the doctor would ask you to take 2 ibuprofen an hour before the procedure because you will have some cramping after the procedure.
( I was scheduled to undergo this procedure late June and I had the whole cancer-scare. It was a very very stressful time. But the results of the colposcopy came out fine. Whew!)
Exhibit three. Mammogram.
Oh-mayyy-gawwwwwd!
I really, really really wish someone would come up with a better "plan" to detect breast cancer. There's actually 2 other ways but based on what I have read, Mammogram is still the best way to go.
Now, you really don't need to undergo this until you reach a certain age. Like 35 and up. In my case I ignored my OB/GNE for 2 years until finally I gave in.
So, I made an appointment and went to have that procedure done one Wednesday afternoon after work. I was told not to wear perfume, deodorant or powder on the day of the appointment. Follow this instruction, because believe me, you wouldn't want to come back for a "redo".
When I came to the hospital, I was asked to stripped from neck to waist and wore a robe. Then, I was ushered to the torture chamber.
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| sorry for the image, i come to inform, not to scare |
I did my homework and I took 2 advils one hour before my appointment but nothing can take the pain away during the procedure.
Imagine an iron cast frying pan (flat side) and a flat plastic fiber glass flattening your breast as if flatting a dough. It doesn't help when the radiologist had to linger a bit more while your breast is being squashed because your neck and your one arm is in the incorrect position before finally hitting that x-ray button. I never thought a breast could be flatten like that *cries*.
And! There's more. They have to squeeze your breast flat 4 times. Twice for each one. Horizontal, then oblique, then repeat on the other breast. I almost screamed in pain but I tried to be strong for "my girls", lol.
I'm so glad it's over. I'm so proud of myself that I didn't cry in front of the radiologist that to reward myself I went to a sushi buffet! After all I went through, I deserve some carbo loading! LOL. Unfortunately, I have to undergo that procedure again next year. Argh.
Exhibit four. Wax on, wax off.
At one point or the other, if you're a female you may have endured this. Even if it just involves plucking your eyebrows to get that perfect shape.
Yeah, yeah. Nobody tells us to do this but we do it anyway because we want to look pleasing to ourself and our significant other and yeah, for the other female human race.
So we wax our legs, our down there (haven't really tried this yet), our moustache, our armpit (I actually had mine laser removed, so that's one pain gone, yey!) and if you ask any man if they have tried waxing, they would say no. Even if they did, they would tell you how painful it is but for us women, we'll even go back after 4 weeks but that's just the way it is.
Exhibit five. Giving birth.
This is really not maintenance but it goes to the realm of the pain women have to go through in their lifetime
This, for me takes the cake. This, in my opinion is the mother of all painful things that women have to endure.
Giving birth.
I already feel like I'm dying when I have a very bad diarrhea and my tummy hurts like sh*t, what more with birth contractions *shudders*.
Of course, there's also those 9 months that a woman have to carry the baby in her womb and may potentially break her back or hips in the process. I am not an expert so I'll just stop there but I'm sure you get my drift.
In conclusion.
I lied. I love being one of the daughters of Eve. Our species might not be strong physically but we are strong emotionally and we have higher pain tolerance level. So hurrah to all women and specially to mothers and mothers-to-be.
images from google images
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