i'm having twins

...not really

but i feel like that sometimes. that or i'm having an octopus for a baby (the way he moves sometimes feels like he has 2 sets of legs).

maternity photoshoot at 30 weeks

                    

i'm loving every one of his movements though. even if his jabs and kicks startle me. i cannot count anymore the number of times i have yelped and jumped on my seat because my little one had punched my bladder, either with his hand or with his head.

but i will not have it any other way. that is my assurance that he's doing well inside. i had to count his movements now and if it's below what is expected, i have to go to the hospital ASAP. so his jabs and kicks are good affirmations.

even though i complain a lot and i'm so ready to give birth, i'm still enjoying this experience because i might not have this experience again. it always fills me with amazement that there are two beating hearts inside me. his and mine. that there is a a tiny human being living inside me that has half my DNA. that this little one inside me would soon be filling our house with smile and laughters and smell of stinky poop, lol.

like any other first time parents i'm worried about a lot of things. would i do a good job? am i built for this kind of responsibility? will i be a good mom? a tiger mom? will i live long enough to see him get married and have kids?

so many scary stuff but i know negativity won't get me anywhere and would just make my anxiety worst. so i have to choose. either choose to think about all these negative thoughts and create problems in my head that is not yet or just enjoy the moment and take it one step at a time.

i chose the latter. 

one baby step at a time.